she was young, only in her 70’s. she suffered from cancer for years, first it was lung cancer, and then it spread to her brain. i was never particularly close with her, my family and i moved overseas in 2013. she slowly deteriorated over time. she wouldnt recognise anyone, she struggled to walk and do things by herself.
we’d been told before that she had weeks to live, and then she would end up living for a couple of months. each time we’d prepare ourselves, but it never came, but today, it happened. she slipped away. i was at school and my mum told me, and although we had been warned, i still wasnt prepared. you cant prepare for stuff like that, no matter how hard you try. i cried, and i was sad because it felt so sudden and something felt wrong, like something was missing.
she’s at peace now, and in no pain. she wanted to go, i knew she was ready at this point. but i feel heavy, my heart seems to ache. i was never even close with her, but it feels like a part of my life has disappeared and it feels so foreign. the pain will ease over time, but right now it hurts. it hurts the most seeing my dad upset over it, he is one of the strongest people i know, and to see him sad makes my heart break.
im just trying to think of it as her being in a better place, as her no longer suffering. i guess its just easier said then done, because i have only ever lost one other family member when i was very young, so i can barely remember it. it feels alien.
ill miss her, and she will always be in my heart.