I don't know why I'm like this

General

19 days ago

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Have this long standing habit? I guess you could call, where in I lie when I don't like someone I meet. It's not a good lie it's an extreme lie that ties with enough truth that sometimes I have to wrack my brain to figure out if it isn't actually true. No I've not done that drug but when I think stuff like 'this person seems two faced' I say I have. Total defence I was abused for a long time jumping from abuser to abuser thinking it was love and romance when they hurt me. Lying became a defence from them & I guess it's stuck as such. I'm not excusing it I probably need help, it makes me feel guilty, like I'm not an honest person ever anymore. I wish I could stop. I had for a while but now I've started a new job & these two coworkers just are lazy assholes doing the bare minimum of work so I just, shot out the lie like I usually do to make people hate me/just leave me alone but shit their faces. I hate this aspect of me, it's instinctual, I wish I could just exist without opinions in the work place I hate this. I'm sorry.


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