So Stuck


a year ago

21 20 1 410

Lately I've been feeling frustrated... I wrote this weird thing to try and understand it all: ​ I keep feeling this weight. Like an elephant sitting on my chest... I'm *stuck*. ​ My job isn't what I want to do, but I have to work 40 hours a week to cover bills and a mortgage... I feel **so stuck**. If I apply somewhere else, will they pay the same? Will I get cheated by taxes somewhere else too? Each day is the same, the monotonous repetition of feeling *chained* to a desk. ​ My body isn't how I want it to be, but after work I want to see my spouse and spend some time. When can I run or walk in a neighborhood like this? Then there are chores and animals to take care of. By the time we're done, we're tired so we sit on the couch like potatoes. *Stuck potatoes*. ​ Art consumes my thoughts and I think in comics or paintings, but I hardly touch pen to paper anymore. I see frames for photographs and perfect shadows or lighting, though my camera gathers dust. My hobbies are slipping past me, and I'm just *stuck* in a whirlwind of work, chores, sleep, **repeat**. ​ The elephant on my chest is sometimes fear, sometimes self-doubt, occasionally anger. It morphs and grows and crushes me. I just feel so completely trapped, *so stuck I can't even move*. ​ Envy grows inside me while I only wish to be kind. But I see my cruel sister getting money for nothing, going out all the time, seeming to be happy. I see angry, rude people buying bigger houses, chasing their dreams, it seems... I'm just **stuck** here with envy, anxiety, fear. All things I never wanted.


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